Newborn Mother

6th April, 2019

Hello dear Diary, I’m sorry we haven’t met in twenty-four, maybe twenty-six months. Who can count? Really, becoming a mother has swirled my life. Not that I don’t like it but may I confess, and only to you that it really is so very exhausting. I always run low on energy now. Also, sometimes I think the structure of the grey matter in my brain has changed. I’ve become quicker at picking up non-verbal cues. I’ve started to plan my day ahead. I’ve started to smell my surroundings way more than I used to. Oh this all is so very weird. I really really love Chris but you know he’s really so little that he just always needs me. Sometimes I love it, feel I’m his universe. This little munchkin’s entire world. It is exhilarating. While at other times I simply hate it. Hate this responsibility of being there for him all the time, even when I’m asleep. Maybe it’ll take me just a little more while to be able to breathe like this and call it my bliss.

To think of it, my world has terifically changed. Whilst all that crowded my mind earlier was pieces of code, meetings, submissions and deadlines, today my priorities are baby food served to him at the right temperature at the right time, his skin care, his reflexology massage and of course, his nappies. And if I ever find any free time for myself among all this plethora of baby care, I always seem to instantly fall asleep, irrespective of time or place. But when he grabs my tiny finger with his even tinier fist of all five, I realise it’s probably all worth it.

Today morning I went fruit shopping. It’s been ages really that I went out for purchases, even the mundane ones. Really, Mrs. Lisa has all the while been such a darling, helping me at every step. Raising a baby as a single mother is not easy, really. I’m his source of tender affection and his formidable protective sheath against the world too. I have to be his touchy-feely mom and his cool dad too. I wonder whether I can really pull this off. I really really want to. I want to be the best parent.

I bought avocado today. You know, I hate avocados but they’re worth the nutrition of a meal for the baby. I visited the bank too. I’ve insured his life worth a lakh a month. I want my Chris to always stay secured. I’ve also gotten opened a RD account in his name. They said they’ll transfer it all in the baby’s name when he’s eighteen. My darling should have the best upbringing I can afford. He shall have it all. I have to maintain a journal of finance in Chris’ name too.

Also, I purchased the Oxford Alphabet and the Oxford Colors book. These are going to be the first among the many books my Chris is going to read. He’s probably going to fall in love with books very soon. I shall introduce to him their magical world. While he shall let his emotions flow with the world of words, he shall also learn to deal with the reality as harsh as it ever can be. Oh my boy is going to be the best guy this world of citizens is going to see. Oh it’s almost his bed-time. I’ll go and put him to sleep.

Love, 

Forever Yours.